Low mood and depression

Some days it is obvious that you feel sad. On others, you may feel very little at all. Life can become flat, heavy or strangely distant. Things you once enjoyed may no longer reach you, and ordinary tasks can demand far more energy than you have. You might still go to work, care for others and appear to be managing, while privately wondering why everything feels so difficult.

Low mood is part of being human, especially through loss, strain or change. When it lasts, deepens or begins to affect your everyday life, it deserves attention. You do not have to decide whether what you feel “counts” as depression before you talk to someone. We can begin with what is happening for you.

What it might feel like

Depression does not always look like tears or staying in bed. You may recognise some of the following:

• Feeling empty, numb, irritable or hopeless, rather than simply sad

• Losing interest in people, plans or activities that used to matter

• Finding it hard to start a task, make a decision or concentrate

• Feeling exhausted even when you have rested

• Sleeping much more or much less than usual

• Changes in appetite or your relationship with food

• Pulling away from friends because conversation feels like effort

• Becoming convinced that you are letting everybody down

• Feeling guilty for struggling when, from the outside, your life appears fine

• Finding that the future is difficult to imagine

One person may keep functioning while feeling disconnected from everything. Another may be unable to manage the basics. Neither experience is a measure of character. There is no single way to look depressed, and you do not need to compare your pain with someone else's to deserve support.

When everything begins to take more effort

You may find yourself postponing a reply, cancelling a plan or leaving washing and paperwork untouched. A task that once took ten minutes now feels impossibly large. You might tell yourself you are lazy, but low mood can affect energy, motivation, attention and the ability to imagine that an effort will be worthwhile.

Withdrawing can be an understandable attempt to protect the little energy you have. At the same time, less contact, less structure and fewer moments of pleasure or achievement may leave you feeling more isolated. The unfinished things accumulate and invite self-criticism. This is one way a difficult period can become a cycle. It is not your fault, and it is something we can approach gently.

Sometimes small steps help interrupt the cycle. “Small” might mean opening the curtains, eating something, replying to one message, sitting outside for five minutes or asking for help with a task. It is not a prescription to push through exhaustion. We would also ask what has depleted you and what support or change is needed.

What might be underneath the low mood?

There is rarely one explanation. Loss, loneliness, ongoing stress, burnout, relationship difficulties, trauma, financial strain, discrimination or a life that has left little room for your own needs may all matter. Low mood can also follow a significant change even when the change was wanted. For some people, there is no clear event to point to, which can make it harder to explain to others.

Physical health and medication can affect mood, energy and sleep too. It is useful to speak with your GP if you have new symptoms, feel persistently low or are unsure what may be contributing. Counselling and medical care can work alongside each other where that is helpful.

The words “depression” and “low mood” can help us talk about an experience, but they do not tell us everything about the person living it. I would want to understand your circumstances, relationships, history and what the feeling means to you.

The voice that says you should be coping

When mood is low, the mind can become a harsh place to live. You may hear thoughts such as “I am a burden”, “Nothing will change” or “I should be able to pull myself together”. Such thoughts can feel like plain facts, especially after a long period of feeling worn down. They may also make it more difficult to reach for the very contact and care you need.

I would not ask you to argue yourself into cheerful thoughts. We can become curious about what the inner criticism is doing, where it may have developed and whether it tells the whole story. Perhaps you have learnt to value yourself by how much you achieve or do for others. Perhaps rest feels undeserved. Understanding those patterns can make space for a kinder, more realistic response.

Depression can also affect how you remember the past and anticipate the future. When the present feels bleak, it can be difficult to believe that anything will shift. We can hold that feeling seriously without treating its prediction as a certainty.

How counselling can help

You do not need to arrive with a clear goal or a tidy account of what has gone wrong. We can begin with a recent day: what felt hard, what you did to get through it, what you missed and what you needed. There may be feelings you have not had room to express, such as anger, grief, disappointment or loneliness. There may also be practical pressures that no amount of positive thinking could remove.

Depending on your needs, our work might include:

• Making sense of when the low mood began and what was happening around that time

• Finding language for emptiness, loss or feelings that have been difficult to share

• Exploring self-criticism, guilt, shame or a sense that your needs matter less than other people's

• Noticing how withdrawal, inactivity and hopeless predictions may reinforce one another

• Finding manageable ways to reconnect with people, routines and experiences that matter to you

• Considering boundaries and changes in your circumstances, rather than expecting you to adapt to every pressure

• Building a relationship in which you can be honest about how things are, without having to perform being well

My approach is integrative and grounded in a person-centred relationship. I may draw on psychodynamic understanding, CBT ideas, attention to patterns in daily life, mindfulness or grounding where they fit your experience. We would decide together what is useful. Some people need a place to grieve and be heard. Others also want help with the next small action. Both can belong in the work.

Counselling can support understanding and change, but depression sometimes needs additional or different care. If symptoms are severe, persistent or worsening, I would encourage you to speak with your GP about the range of treatment options. We can discuss how counselling fits alongside other support.

Supporting yourself between sessions

When your energy is low, advice to “get out more” can feel dismissive. A more useful question might be: “What is one thing that would make today a little more manageable?” You might choose a task small enough to begin, then stop and notice what it took. You do not have to earn a sense of achievement by doing everything.

It can help to keep some gentle structure around food, sleep and contact with another person, as far as your circumstances allow. If something once gave you enjoyment, you may not feel like doing it now. A small, low pressure return to it might still create a moment of connection or meaning. The aim is to experiment, not to set a standard you can fail.

If someone trustworthy asks how you are, you might try one honest sentence instead of “fine”. You can say what sort of help would be welcome: company, practical help, a walk, or simply being heard. If you are supporting someone else, this may also be a time to ask who can support you.

When to seek more help

If your low mood lasts for more than a couple of weeks, is worsening or is affecting work, relationships or everyday life, speak with your GP. NHS talking therapies may also be available by self-referral in England. Treatment can include talking therapies, guided self-help and medication, depending on your needs and preferences. You do not have to work out the right option alone.

If you have thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, please tell a trusted person and seek urgent professional help. In England you can contact NHS 111 and select the mental health option. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. Serene Oak Counselling is not a crisis service.

Online counselling for low mood and depression

I offer online counselling for adults. You can join from a private space without the additional effort of travelling to an appointment. We can start at a pace that feels possible, even if speaking about how you feel is unfamiliar or tiring.

You are welcome to get in touch if you would like to explore whether counselling with me could help. You do not need to wait until you feel worse to make contact.