Weight and Shape Preoccupation

It is very common to think about weight and shape from time to time. But for some people, those thoughts become much more persistent and begin to affect how they feel about themselves, how they eat and how they move through everyday life.

You may find that weight or shape has become one of the main ways you judge whether you are doing well or badly. A change on the scales, the way clothes fit, or how you look in a photograph can have a disproportionate effect on your mood.

Even when you know intellectually that your worth is not determined by your body, it can still feel very difficult to believe that emotionally.

What weight and shape preoccupation can look like

You may recognise some of the following:

• Thinking about your weight many times a day

• Weighing yourself frequently or avoiding the scales completely because they feel too powerful

• Checking the fit of clothes as a way of monitoring your body

• Comparing your shape with other people

• Feeling anxious about gaining weight

• Feeling more confident when you believe you look smaller or thinner

• Feeling that you need to change your body before you can enjoy certain things

• Allowing a number on the scales to affect your mood

• Feeling preoccupied with particular parts of your body

• Thinking that weight loss would solve problems in other areas of your life

• Avoiding photographs or social situations because of how you feel about your appearance

• Spending a lot of mental energy thinking about how your body looks

The difficulty is not simply having these thoughts. It is the amount of power they can begin to hold.

When weight becomes linked to self worth

For some people, weight gradually becomes tied to much bigger ideas about success, control, attractiveness or being good enough.

You may notice that losing weight brings a sense of achievement, while gaining weight feels like failure.

This can create a very fragile way of measuring yourself because your mood and self esteem become dependent on something that naturally changes over time.

In therapy, we can explore how those beliefs developed and begin to separate your sense of worth from the size or shape of your body.

The number on the scales

The scales can become incredibly powerful.

A number that is slightly lower than expected may create relief or satisfaction. A number that is higher can completely change how you feel about yourself that day.

It can start to feel as though the scales are giving you information not only about your body, but about whether you have been disciplined enough, controlled enough or good enough.

But weight fluctuates for many reasons, including hydration, hormones, digestion and normal changes in the body.

The number cannot tell you anything about your value as a person.

Part of therapy can involve understanding why that number has become so important and gradually reducing the influence it has over how you feel.

Shape checking and comparison

Preoccupation with shape often leads to checking.

You may repeatedly look at your body in mirrors, check your stomach or thighs, take photographs, try on clothes, or compare how you look from different angles.

You may also find yourself comparing your body with friends, strangers or people online.

Comparison can happen almost automatically.

Unfortunately, it rarely makes us feel better. We tend to compare ourselves selectively, noticing the people or images that reinforce the belief that our own body is not good enough.

In therapy, we can begin to notice these patterns and understand what keeps them going.

The impact on eating

When weight and shape become very important, eating can begin to feel less straightforward.

You may avoid certain foods because you are frightened of gaining weight, eat less after a day when you feel unhappy with your body, or try to compensate after eating more than you intended.

Sometimes this develops into a cycle of restriction, overeating, guilt and renewed restriction.

For some people, this forms part of an eating disorder. For others, it may never meet the criteria for a diagnosis but still causes a great deal of distress.

You do not need a diagnosis for this to be worth addressing.

The influence of culture

It is difficult to develop a completely neutral relationship with weight and shape in a culture that places so much value on appearance.

We are surrounded by messages about weight loss, diets, fitness, ageing and what our bodies are supposed to look like.

These messages can become so familiar that they start to feel like facts rather than ideas we have absorbed.

Therapy can provide space to question some of those assumptions and to notice which beliefs genuinely belong to you and which may have been learnt from the world around you.

How I work with weight and shape preoccupation

My approach is integrative, which means that I adapt the work to the individual rather than using one fixed model.

Depending on what feels relevant, our work might include:

• Understanding how weight and shape became important to you

• Exploring the relationship between appearance and self worth

• Looking at weighing, checking and comparison behaviours

• Understanding the impact of dieting and restriction

• Exploring fear of weight gain

• Working with perfectionism and self criticism

• Challenging rigid beliefs about weight and appearance

• Exploring earlier experiences or comments that may still be affecting you

• Developing a broader sense of identity and value

• Reducing the amount of mental space given to weight and shape

I draw on person centred therapy, CBT and CBT E informed approaches, transactional analysis, psychodynamic thinking and psychoeducation, while adapting the work to the person in front of me.

I also hold a Master Practitioner qualification in Eating Disorders and Obesity and have specialist training and experience in working with eating difficulties, weight and body image.

You do not have to wait until it gets worse

You may feel that your concerns are not serious enough because you are still eating, functioning and getting on with everyday life.

But if thoughts about weight and shape are affecting your confidence, your eating, your mood or the things you allow yourself to do, that is enough reason to seek support.

You do not have to wait until the problem becomes more entrenched.

Online counselling for weight and shape concerns

I offer online counselling for adults across the UK.

Therapy can provide a private space to explore the role that weight and shape have come to play in your life and to begin developing a relationship with yourself that is less dependent on appearance.

If you would like to talk about whether counselling might be helpful, you are welcome to get in touch.